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Friday, September 8th, 2006
2:17 am
Formative Years:

born in exuma in the bahamas to a widowed mother. his father had been involved in a coo to overthrow the govounrment and had been killed months before he was even born.



his mother was broken and wanted nothing to do with the baby, so she gave him to his grandmother and then disapeared. rumored to have become a cheap prostite.



he grew up next to a swamp in a very rural area. his grandma and granpda kept them all alive on domestic farming and domesticated animals. they had chicken pens and about 6 acres of fertile land where they grew mangos, rice, peppers, cabbage and bananas.



his grandma was the local witch. local bandits who were known to steal food from local farms avoided her property at all cost. she was rumored to know black magic and had great pwoer given to her by devils.



he went to the local church for his school, but he only gathered the basics, reading and writing in english. his hands were needed at his grandmas farm, and they had no public school. his granda did provide an excellent folk education, teaching him "spells' and incantations.



when he became a teenager, his granda told him that he was to be introduced to the great obeahman. this obeahman's identity was secret but he was "master" of the whole area.



the man came to them at night and they talked, the man made the boy drunk without drinking and taught him about the great devils who tricked men into servitude. then he left and was not seen again for a year.



life went on as usual, and john began to grow restless. soon the obeahman returned and offered john a chance to leave this shitty farm life and become wealthy and powerful john accepted. that night he kissed his grandma goodbye and headed with the obeahman to the city. 

the obeahman sat him down and taught him about the true religion. offering him innitiation.


5 years later: 

crole was a truck driver for the local drug lords. in the middle of the night they would drive a plane in from south america, refule, drop off some drugs to sell in local markets, and then take off for the states. crole's position wasn't the most powerful, nor was it especially lucrative.crole would simply drive al night on a dirt road with this spanish guy who smelled and held a shotgun incase they got jumped.

he was promised a chance to move up if he was able to prove himself worthy. the usual bullshit.

5 years later. 

crole was now becomming disillusioned with this whole deal. he hadn't been doing much. he wasn't driving a truck anymore. he was now a police officer in exuma. being a police officer in exuma merely meant you got a steady paycheck while catering to local drug lords. crole was starting to amass some power of influence in the city, but no thanks to his master the obeahman.

he was starting to have doubts about the obeahman's strange religion. how was he immune to these decpetive archons if he couldn't even handle the local competition? and if the archons truly controlled everything, why did the obeahman spend all his time worriing about how much money he was making? it didn't match up with what his grandma had taught him either. and althouh the obeahman had great power, so did his grandmother.

he started to work around the obeahman. not telling him everything he was going to do. not informing him about every sale. pocketing some money for himself. he handled amlot and he should get something. 

the obeahman found out and became enraged. he barged into crole's office on day and beat the shit out of him. then he dragged crole througb a swamp and threw him into a pile of cobras. they bit the fuck out of him. then befpre he died, the obeahman embraced him. well maybe that wasn't a bright idea. 

all this trauama, combined with a licks' first thirst sent crole into a jibbering frenzy. a battle ensued resulting in the diablerie of the obehaman. crole didn't know what to do. the obheamna's allies wouuld certianly seek retirubution for this. he decided to flee. into the forest. wheere he met...

DAMBALLAH!

damballa was a serpent of the light who hung around on the fucking edge of exuma, watching the setites from the shadows. he wasn't so much a spy as he was waiting for an opertunity. he found crole, calmed him down from his frenzy and showed him secret ways. he took CROLE deep into the swamp where other SOTL gathed and plotted and conspired. they gave him the TRUE FAITH. and a basic education. so he wouldn;t accidentally run into the sun one night.

after a few months of this, he was on the move again. as a favoer they shipped him to america. but once in america he got lost and found his own way.

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Thursday, August 31st, 2006
12:06 am - 12
deep abyss of sarrow turns to fields of tall grass and stars above

friendly bugs and the smell of life on my tongue, twice the bounty of an arguement or stare

no bullshit card planted squre in my life from an unknown scowling grandpa. grandpa of knowledge, scowling with the intent of a genius

he snuck from beyond shadows and returns like a swift secret

twelve apostles, twelve incarnations of vishnu, hidden imam mahdi resides within sahasrara chakra of all humans, twelve pies resting tempting opon vulnurable window lattice

power games fall short of a melted heart.

everytime i ring a bell an angel gets his wings

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Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
10:23 am - dear dr. zoltan
ADVICE FOR GIRLS WHO WANT TO KILL BOYS
By Dr. Zoltan!

Dear Dr. Zoltan, I work in a strip club as a cocktail waitress, and this dude, a patron, said he'd like to get to know me. What should I do?
-Anonymous

First off, you're probably thinking, this is just another one of those "nice guys" that come into the club looking for some attention because he's too shy and limp-dicked to talk to girls out in public. He needs a captive audience. He probably looks the other way when getting a lap dance, or sits there in the corner with his arms crossed, hoping you will walk up and ask him if he needs a refill on his Sprite. He'll probably go out of his way to tell you about how he's really not into the whole strip-club thing. So here is what I want you to do. You want to make lots of eye contact with him. This will make him feel important and visible, something he rarely feels. When he asks about your personal life, you want to play up the, "I am the top-secret smart girl but I am hiding out in a superficial strip club, hoping to meet an intellectual, oh my god, I am so glad you discovered me" vibe. Tell him you play 5 or 6 instruments, and emphasize orchestra instruments. Oboe, cello, viola, bassoon. Piano is classy, too. Don't say flute or violin, those are stock instruments. You want to seem like you are always on the periphery. Be direct. When he asks you a question, answer it in specific terms, and show you are in control. Also, use the word "philosophy." You don't need to get into the specific metaphysics, morals, or epistemology. That will be enough to turn him on. When he asks you if you will hang out with him and talk sometime, pretend that you are scared. You obviously have nothing to be scared of, because this guy is a major emotional wimp and a psychological push-over, just look at him. But it's at least a way to terminate the conversation and get back to work. He'll be out of his mind and won't be able to stop thinking about you for at least a few days. He'll come back for more, at which point you can have your hair styled a completely different way, and tell him about your 6 year old daughter. This will really confuse him. When he gets really confused, kill him. Good luck.

===

Dear Dr. Zoltan, I am always in a long-term relationship, but I like to have some fun on the side, too. Especially with really smart, nerdy guys, because they can comprehend my eloquent vocabulary. I show up at their apartment at 3 a.m. and get in their bed and want to cuddle. My supposed long-term boyfriend / husband is abusive and has big muscles. And tattoos. We have sex all the time and I love him. He does coke. We break up every 5 minutes. What should I do?
-Anonymous

Oh, you are already doing everything you need to do, my dear. Why are you even writing to me? You have them right where you want them. Lure the nerdy guys (one by one) into the shower with you and kill them.

===

Dear Dr. Zoltan, I work out at the YMCA and I am tan. What should I do?
-Anonymous

You need to really think this one through. You should probably pretend to own your own business. Then kill him. Or wear some jewelry, get into an SUV, and THEN kill him. Either way, kill him. Kill him. Kill him.

===

Dear Dr. Zoltan, I am always mysteriously single. I am really pretty, and I like physics, yoga, scrabble, and foreign travel. I went to a gifted school. My girlfriends and I eat organic vegan delights. We occasionally sample foodstuffs and cinema that are exotic. I have
a Myspace blog detailing all of this, and it drives smart guys crazy. I am always right here waiting, it seems. Waiting for that special, creative, and unique intellectual man to sweep me off my feet and watch Nova or read Carl Sagan with me. The guys on Myspace are always trying to intellectually seduce me, and I seem to just keep reciprocating because I am an innocent girl who likes to communicate openly. I come from a rich family so I have a lot of
time to do stained glass and crossword puzzles. I also like hiking and I look great in shorts and athletic shoes. What should I do?
-Anonymous

Here's the deal, little smart girl. Find some guy who is exactly the same age as you, and make sure he is not caucasian. All at once, announce to everyone on your Myspace that you have never been so happy in your life, and post pictures of you and the non-caucasian all over the page. Leave one final blog about how, "I love you so much and you are everything in my universe and I didn't know it until now." Post photos of him sleeping, and photos of him
with your parents. Everyone will wonder, "where the hell did THIS guy come from all of the sudden?" Make sure he doesn't even have a Myspace page, that will drive them crazy. They will have spent so much time posting witty bulletins in foreign languages and thinking they were THIS close to being the only one in the universe who could score with you. Then right then, you can kill them all.

Send your questions to: drzoltan@drzoltan.com
Copyright 2006 MutantMall Co.
Dr. Zoltan! is a Destroy Your Mind! Production
http://www.drzoltan.com

Here is what DMS Lord Hudson shall right.

Dear Dr. Zolatan, I have had sex with twenty four girls and dated none of them. At least half of them I have only met once. I have terrible intimacy problems. I enjoy working out, smashing people, threatening them, and Vampire: the Masquerade. I am extremely intelligent and smart and I hold most people in contempt. I am confused about life, I have no idea why people are the way they are. They seem so evil and helplessly depressed. Also, I am legitimately different. I am a Muslim and I talk to spirits. What should I do?

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Saturday, August 26th, 2006
9:29 pm
ok so my uncle drags me out to LA. he wants me to take some self help/corporate strategy seminar. he is really vague about what it really does and thinks it's going to e the best thing to ever happen to my life.



so i get over there, i wasn't really having much fun working as a security guard anyway. i wanted to see LA anyway, because for some reason i thought that i might enjoy this materialistic hellhole of lies.



so i hate it. my uncle is really busy and is at work all day. meanwhile i am stuck in his mini studio apartment with nothing to do on venice beach. the air is smoggy, it's cold, the ocean is far too dirty to sleep in. there are crazy homeless people everywhere. the only thing to do is look at fancy restaurants.



i have no phone or anything, and i start to get cabin fever and get really mad. so my uncle chris introduces me to a bunch of weird guys thinking i will like them. ofcoarse i don't because they are emotionally devastated middle aged men with personality disorders. yeah philip hudson really goes for that. one of the guys was even a 'fighter" as chris put it. i questions him "hey i heard you were a fighter, what did you do?' he goes into a diatribe about shoot no contact karate where you can't even hit people in the face. the whole time he is bragging about how good he is, but i can tell in a real fight he would give up because he hates pain. he only wants to be a fighter for prestige. and he's not even a real fighter.



all the while chris is annoying. he is really picky about everything and i am trying to be polite and respect his space. but he is really condescending to me, almost like he doesn't respect me like a man. which pisses me off. so i glared at him and asked if he wanted to spar and he turned me down.



on top of his anti social characteristics. he really wants to fix what he perceives as a problem in my life. his ultimate dream is to be a dad, but since he lives in LA and doesn't have a steady job he never settled down. i think he didn't realize i am a full grown young man. the last time he saw me i was around 12 years old. so he wanted to help raise me and send me to his shock therapy forum so he can feel like he took part in the raising of a child.



anyway, so i get to this thing. i am trying to be open minded. chris told me the military originally invented it to help crazy broken people who were abused and tortured during wartime recover emotionally. i respect the military so i was more open minded to it then if it was some corporate leadership seminar.



it starts out ok. little group dynamic games. tim, our lecturer who looks like dru carry, (reminds me of josh because he said his wife kidnapped his kids from him) is very good at speaking so i am impressed with his presentation and oration. one thing that did not impress me, everyone (as usual) was afraid to make eye contact with my deadly beast gaze. it's deadly so i don't blame them.but this is what it looks like to me, i am better at confrontation then they are. if their methods are so effective, why can they not best me?



it's because they are not hear to teach you skills like that. they are hear to hypnotize you. (literally, this is hardcore military brand shock therapy.) and i was getting a little freaked out because i am not someone who expresses my inner emotions. thats for me alone. all my skill, all my knowledge, my insight, my tenacity and my social progress has all been learned by me. with the exception of my friends adam, jack, and josh a little bit. josh has a lot of presentation skills for pleasing bosses. not something i put too much value in but josh is effective at it. josh could be the gay waiter at a really fancy upscale secular jew restaurant and club.



this is where i drew the line. they were going to get right in my face and scream this berserker battle cry right in my face, just fucking unloading a great spiritual attack on you. yelling "WHAT DO YOU WANT" over and over again. it was designed ofcoarse to fucking put you in a life or death like threat situation where you are operating at pure instinct. and so ofcoarse you will shout back with what you truly want in life since it bypasses all your mental bullshit and asks your beast instead.



but while i was watching this. my beast was growing so strong, i have never seen it flare up like that. i really seriously almost took the chair and smashed the guys face in who was yelling. i wanted to rip his heart out and feast on it.



so i said fuck it and left.



then al these people come out and try to convince me to come back in. saying i was running from some inner fear. they were really persistent about it. i had the german lady who likes me crouches beside me, trying to convince me to go back in. i think she almost cried. my uncle cried, i figure he feels he failed or something.



but i was just stone cold. i really had to use a lot of willpower not to frenzy and start beast raging my head off and smashing everything in sight.



end

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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
6:16 pm - adam brammer
adam brammer came, he saw, and he stole your innocence.

it was great, having my comrad around, i changed around all my plans for him. i don't even do that shit when i have to go to work. it was brilliant. he is an ass hole though. but he is so mighty that people just grovel over him. i like seeing girls complain that he doesn't call them.

he was even a jerk to me, but unlike a woman he would apologize for it. "phil i am sorry i am yelling at you telling you how to drive." but i would always say "it's ok my brother." and it was ok. i know adam is a jerk and i don't mind. it doesn;t bother me, i do what i am going to do anyway even if people complain about it. adam knows and we respect eachother. only a weak ego needs to be handled with care.

also, diana dildo and i are speaking again. i saw her unexpectedly at big e's. the mere sight of her quited my best. it made me sombre and sentimental. i became quiet and lotsof old burried and once-thought-dead memories flustered to the surface of the water gasping for air. we talked on the internet, and she invited me to wash rugs with her.

during this old rug cleansing, we got into a conversation about the meaning of life. diana thinks that everyone has a schtik that they use as life themes to develop a character. i am really unsure of her point. but everyone needs a flare to set them apart if they are to be stars in the end. but diana does not beleive in soul love. she beleivs everything is a power game. i disagree and love my friends.
diana has hereby been stripped of all her princess points until she agrees that power games are unatural deviations of love.

i am going to LA tomarrow, i am psyched. i am worried about my mom though, she just had a divorce and i want to be around to cheer her up. plus her new apartment is so bright and comfortable and overlooks a lake and i like the view. i will miss my dad too, i like worshipping at the alter of his massive power genes. and smoking a cigar with him every week or so is an enjoyable ritual.

josh little and i did not finish lord ass, it has died down because i am unsure of how to end it. i forgot to have a plot, so josh made one up. but i want to think of alternatives first. josh went into a long diatribe about how i have hidden meaning in lord ass. the only hidden meaning in lord ass is a few obscure referances. lord ass is plainly stated - PHILIP HUDSON IS INSANE, WORSHIP GOD YOU ARE A FOOL -

jack i will miss, no one in LA knows what needs to be done in reguards to china. who will sing to me?

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Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
4:29 am - Abramelin Sucks
Philip Hudson on Aliester Crowley,the OTO and other like minded Secret Societies.

The Law of Thelema:

Behold! it is revealed by Aiwass the minister of Hoor-paar-kraat. Ohh yeah Bitch!

HGA - the holy guardian angel. The double, the silent self, the secret self, the DOUBLE.

"My Divine twin revealed to me the mystery of light and darkness, the mystery of destruction... the mystery of the creation of Adam, the first man. He also taught to the mystery of the tree of knowledge from which Adam ate and his eyes were opened." - Mani the Prophet.

When Crowley wrote the Book of the Law, he tells us that the whole thing was dictated to him by a being called Aiwass. Crawley was sitting at his desk in Cairo (in Egypt) on his honeymoon with his wife. The voice of Aiwass came from over his left shoulder in the furthest corner of the room. This voice is described as passionate and hurried, and was "of deep timbre, musical and expressive, its tones solemn, voluptuous, tender, fierce or aught else as suited the moods of the message. Not bass—perhaps a rich tenor or baritone." Further, the voice was devoid of "native or foreign accent." Which meant it talked like Crowley, an annoying Brittish.

Within Thelema the HGA, Holy Guardian Angel, is your silent self. Each man has a Guardian Angel individual to him alone. It can be construed as your soul, or your double in Carlos Castaneda's book. To explain it to someone dumb i would say it is your shadow self that exists in the Umbra, your Avatar. Since the spirit world is the Divine Twin of the Material world, each man also has a Devine twin the spirit world. There are two worlds that cannot exist without one another, Umbra and the Physical. They are inseperable and one is only the mirror of the other. Your Divine twin is your reflection in that world.

This notion has apeared throughout history in many different cultures. Pre-Europian America, Iran, China, the modern west via Crowley. It's a common theme throughout historty. Mani the Prohit, as I quoted earlier, was a Persian prophit in the third century AD who developed his own little version of Monotheism. One that in no way corresponds to Crolwey's Law of Thelema. However, the common theme of being enlightened by their silent self is there.

Crowley approaches his silent self in a similar way that Carlos Castaneda does. Carlos meets his divine twin after a series of ritual preperations and the taking of hallucinagenic drugs. Crowley suggests an elaborate ritual, much more elaborate then Castaneda's called The Abramelin ritual.

I have always used the term Double to describe this, I got it from Carlos Castaneda who I like a lot because he is simple and direct with his language. I came across a mention of the Divine Twin when I was delving into some Iranian studies and it made me investigate this notion further. For this subject has a lot of sway in modern religious movements. People seem to be growing away from what they consider to be an archaic spirtualism given to them by Christianity. They prefer new age and mystical interpretations, filled with ideas of enlightenment and higher spiritual knowledge gained by comming to some sort of understanding via meditation or spiritual vision. And by people I refer to the west, white people. Blacks and hespanics are still content with Mr. Ten Commandments.

Crowley, like Mani the Prophet, were visited by thier Divine Twin and dictated a new religion. Crowley, like Mani, was very charsmatic and converted people often times by the sheer "presence" of thier personas. Another interesting thing was how Aiwess apeared garbes as a Parthian (an Iranian tribe), as Mani was a Parthian. He "seemed to be a tall, dark man in his thirties, well-knit, active and strong, with the face of a savage king, and eyes veiled lest their gaze should destroy what they saw. The dress was not Arab; it suggested Assyria or Persia, but very vaguely." This is a strange coincidence considering Crowley had no knowledge of Mani, or at least never so much as mentioned him ever. No one besides this reporter, Philip Hudson, has ever compared these two men, as far as I know. I am good at finding these things.

But, besides the mention of this silent self, Crowley and Mani bring two very different messages. Crowley brings the Law of Thelema, written in just a few hours dictated by his Divine Twin Aiwass or Ra-Hoor-Khuit. Ra-Hoor-Khuit means "Ra, who is Horus of the Two Horizons." An appellation of Ra, identifying him with Horus, showing the two as manifestations of the singular Solar Force. Ra-Hoor-Khuit is Aiwass, the speaker in The Book of the Law.

"The existence of true religion presupposes that of some discarnate intelligence, whether we call him God or anything else. And this is exactly what no religion had ever proved scientifically. And this is what The Book of the Law does prove by internal evidence, altogether independent of any statement of mine. This proof is evidently the most important step in science that could possibly be made: for it opens up an entirely new avenue to knowledge. The immense superiority of this particular intelligence, AIWASS, to any other with which mankind has yet been in conscious communication is shown not merely by the character of the book itself, but by the fact of his comprehending perfectly the nature of the proof necessary to demonstrate the fact of his own existence and the conditions of that existence. And, further, having provided the proof required." - Crowley

In summary, Crowley beleived in True Will, as in True Destiny. True Will is an idea that could be described in its dynamic aspect as the singular path of possible action that encounters no resistance in going because it is supported by the inertia of the whole Universe; theoretically, no two True Wills can contradict each other because each one has its own absolutely unique career in its passage through Infinite Space. Hence, to follow one's True Will means to respect all True Wills, described as "Love is the law, love under will". The apparent pacifism of this doctrine is complicated, however, by the possibility that the majority of beings do not know their True Will.Crowley referred to the process of discovering the Will as the Great Work, the basis of which is Love or Union with the All (similar in vein to the mystical aspects of Buddhism and Hinduism). The term Magick is applied to the general set of techniques used to accomplish the Great Work, which usually includes practices based on Yoga, the Qabalah, Hermeticism, and ceremonial ritual. According to Crowley, the two great milestones in this process are attaining the Knowledge and Conversation of one's Holy Guardian Angel (which Crowley described as a person's "Secret Self") and then crossing the Abyss, a mystical process where the individual ego is "annihilated" (symbolized by the spilling of the blood into the Graal of Babalon) and the adept achieves union with the All by entering the City of the Pyramids. After this, the "Master of the Temple" may either remain there, move on to higher states, or return to every-day life to fulfill some earthly destiny.

Mani on the other hand beleived in a Dualist Monotheism. That is, he beleived in an evil god and a good god, a god of light and darkness. Iranian cultures have always been influanced by the notion of two opposing gods, Zaroastrianism being the most populer. In Zaroastriansim, Ahura Mazda is the creater god of light, he reperesents everything good and just and controls an army of angels. Ahriman, the good of darkness, represents everything that is evil and wicked, and controls an army of demons. These angels and demons are of the same race, called Immortals, and their only difference is in their descisions to either serve Ahura Mazda or Ahriman. Basically they are angels who either sided with god or the devil.

Mani brought this message, and also taught worship of the god of light in order to drive away the evil spirits of the devil. Mani also taught that the physical world was evil and that everything born of it could not be pleasing to god. He commanded his followers to give up worldliness, and even went to the extream to say that is was good to die from laying in one place and not moving because all work or movement to survive adds to the industry of the physical world and is thus evil. He was speaking to some christian baptists, "Why do you ritually wash yourself every day? From this it is evident that you become loathsome to yourself every day, and because of that foulness you ritually wash yourself before you can be purified. It is clear and very plain that all defilement is from the body. Behold, you yourself are clothed in it." He also talked of "shameful excrement." I have fun imagining some raving prophit running around yelling and screaming at people for taking shits. And when I say fun, I mean a lot of fun. Maybe I will start doing that. THE TIOLET IS A DEN OF INIQUITY.

So, why does the higher self of Mani offer a different truth then the higher self of crowley? And why are they both so similar? I drew up a connection immediatly. Especially since this Aiwess character made clear he was Horus. I had a vision of Horus myself once when I asked the god Set to send me a sign. However, I never felt the vision I had was my divine twin, or that it had any relevance to an awakening of any kind concernimg myself. It seemed only evil. The god Set is ofcoarse the god of vengeance and in most occult circles considered to be the "TRUE INCARNATION OF THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS."

If you look at some of the things this god Aiwess is saying, you might draw a slight connection to Set, the god of vengeance. Just look at these quotes:

"I am the warrior Lord of the Forties: the Eighties cower before me, & are abased. I will bring you to victory & joy: I will be at your arms in battle & ye shall delight to slay. Success is your proof; courage is your armour; go on, go on, in my strength; & ye shall turn not back for any!" - Aiwass, Book of the Law

"I am the Secret Serpent coiled about to spring: in my coiling there is joy. If I lift up my head, I and my Nuit are one. If I droop down mine head, and shoot forth venom, then is rapture of the earth, and I and the earth are one. There is great danger in me..." - Aiwess, Book of the Law

"Now let it be first understood that I am a god of War and of Vengeance." - Aiwass, Book of the Law

"Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything. Money fear not, nor laughter of the folk folly, nor any other power in heaven or upon the earth or under the earth. Nu is your refuge as Hadit your light; and I am the strength, force, vigour, of your arms." - Aiwass, Book of the Law

And Crowley himself, being an inquisitive fellow, later evolved his theory of the divine self. He began to see that this Aiwass was not his higher self at all, but was totally seperate and individual.

"Now, on the other hand, there is an entirely different type of angel; and here we must be especially careful to remember that we include gods and devils, for there are such beings who are not by any means dependent one one particular element for their existence. They are microcosms in exactly the same sense as men and women are. They are individuals who have picked up the elements of their composition as possibility and convenience dictates, exactly as we do ourselves... I believe that the Holy Guardian Angel is a Being of this order. He is something more than a man, possibly a being who has already passed through the stage of humanity, and his peculiarly intimate relationship with his client is that of friendship, of community, of brotherhood, or Fatherhood. He is not, let me say with emphasis, a mere abstraction from yourself; and that is why I have insisted rather heavily that the term "Higher Self" implies a damnable heresy and a dangerous delusion." - Crowley, Magic without tears.

Hmm dangerous? Be careful of your double people.

Mani's double and Crowley's double would disagree with eachother in a philospoical debate. While Crowley's double was talking about individual destiny and war, Mani's would be talking about the light of god protecting him from demons and the mechinations of the devil, and living a state of non harm to all creation. So perhaps a man's double can disagree with another man's double? That brings up the question, well if doubles are just as devided on truth as the rest of us, what good are they?
Or maybe these doubles are just Jinn, playing pranks.

In my insane opinion, which most of you will not understand. Crowley was visited by Set to promote this new religion (the Temple of Set would probably agree with me.) I speculate that it was also Set who payed a viset to Nietzsche, though Nitzsche's might be a different demon more associated with Dionysus. Mani on the other hand was visited by some sort of non evil spirit, perhaps a jinn. Jinn are like people, they have free will and free choice. They also have religions, some Jinn are Muslim for instance. Maybe Mani's jinn had Zaraostrian leanings. Why Mani's jinn used Taqiyya (deception) and apeared as his double is a question I cannot answer. Jinn are notoriously dishonest to meet their ends. But Mani's jinn does not seem as wicked and powerful as Aiwess, he tells you to submit to god. Anyone who tells you to submit to god and follow moral law is at least trying to be good. But the insanity of Mani's religion might be a Jinn's way of having a mostly harmless prank.

I beleive that their is one or a group of Demons originating from Iran (because it seems to be a common aesthetic amung them) that like to viset people and bring revelations of a new exciting faith. Nitzsche's Zarathustra, Mani himself, Crowley. I beleive maybe Set's true name is Iranian. Perhaps Iran is the cradle.

Double?

Thy servants are we.
our lord who sits up high,
Thy rod and thy staff,
shall comfort and guide our hands

- Philip Hudson, submit to god or face his wrath on your day of death.

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Saturday, May 6th, 2006
3:38 pm - Nietzsche Sucks
Frederich Whilhem Nietzsche: just saying that name reminds one of many things. To me it reminds of me of my youth, and my rebel without a cause crusade. In my youth I would use Nitzhce to impress my fellow high school students with the breadth of my intellectual pursuits. "Look guys I'm reading crazy obscure philosophy. Nitchze invented Nihilism, the official state religion of Black Metal. Did you know that life cannot possibly have any meaning and it is best not to be born or at least die early? Yeah, praise be to Pazuzu: lord of the eastern winds and brutal heavy riffs."

Nietzsche didn't actually invent Nihilism, that was actually Arthur Schopenhauer. Arthur Schopenhauer was the saddest man to ever live and liked to complain like a woman. "They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person." Boo hoo; you took away my freedom to kill myself. You filthy baby, I'll kill you myself if you don’t stop blaspheming against the Lord. "With people of limited ability modesty is merely honesty. But with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy." Well maybe so Schopenhauer, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are a commie fag junky.

Nihilism is considered really cool by chicks who try to be German and listen to industrial music and sleep around with everyone while glaring with a vacant evil stare at me. It is also accorded an indifferent nod by the counter culture of America. Why it is associated with Nietzsche is another matter. He certainly liked Schopenhauer in his early developing years, but Nietzsche was never a Nihilist. Perhaps posing intellectuals get confused about which philosopher is which. It's an easy mistake to make since both Schopenhauer and Nietzsche are incurably insane and evil. Also it should be remembered that posing intellectuals in America don't read, only pretend to read. So when putting on a mask of idolizing Nietzsche, they are trying to associate themselves with his intellectual tradition, which Nihilism is the most popular. His name is more important then his works to someone who only cares about building his own image. What the counter culture demonite does not realize, that everyone he is trying to impress is too busy wearing a mask themselves to notice anyone else. Ever watch two idiots try to show one another what music they listen to at the same time? It's like watching a circus of turtles. "Dude, that’s not bad man."

Nietzsche was also very insane. I remember reading about Nietzsche when he taught at some German prestigious university. This student came up to him after a lecture to ask him a question. Nietzsche literally jumped out of his seat and started going at the young man with wide eyes screaming about the eternal smile of the sky and "THAT BLUE SKY OF THE HELLAS! WE ARE GOING TOGETHER" Nietzsche backed the poor kid into a wall, screaming all the way. Then suddenly Nietzsche realized that the kid was frightened by his enthusiasm and he quickly walked out of the classroom and never spoke to him again. Nietzsche didn’t have the fun insanity like this reporter did. He had that scared anxiety uncomfortable version, which I view as a symptom of being dogged by bad spirits. I speak from personal experience on that. Anyone who knew Philip Hudson in high school can remember him radiating an uncomfortable creepiness. I always seemed to do the wrong thing and offend people. It happens when the nefarious influences stain your aura. Nietzsche was riddled with this, though it was obvious he possessed a very unique and powerful insight that set him well apart from average men.

But I don't like him. I don't like what he stands for. When reading his book Thus Sprach Zarathustra I get really mad and want to beat up Satanists. Nitche reportedly had "visions" or dreams of Zaraoaster long before he wrote his famous book Thus Spoke Zarathustra. It was not until later that he was visited by the sprit of Zaroaster while walking in the Swiss mountains at some cabin he was vacationing in. The spirit spoke to him, claiming to be Zaroaster, the founder of the Zaroastrian faith of antiquity. It explained to Nietzsche that it had to correct an error, years ago when Zaroaster had founded his religion he had made a mistake by inventing morality. Yes, apparently to Nietzsche Zaraoster had been the first to invent morality, or the first to preach a higher moral order in opposition of the animalistic side of human behavior. Now he intended to use Nietzsche as a mediator to correct his mistake and bring this new message to the people:

What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself.

What’s is bad? Everything that is born of weakness.

- Nietzsche

THUS SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA is meant to imply that it was not Nietzsche who was author, but Zaroaster himself. Look it up you fools.

Nietzsche hated the god Apollo, the sun king and master of order. He idolized Dionysus, the god of pleasure and ecstasy. He didn't actually believe in these gods as entities, but as psychological associations that were relevant to the western mind. As metaphors of human behavior and of western thought and society. I however do view these deities as entities. I view them as angels and demons. To me Apollo can be none other then Michael the Archangel, or Mitra or Mithras or Mikhail or however you want to say his name. Dyonisis is probably Lilith, a female demon in the book of Isaiah. Even though Dionysus is male in the Greek tradition, to me he feels very female, lets call her she. She definitely has a dark motif about her and whenever I think on her my "Phil's intuition" always puts up red flags. I don't like the way her name feels. There are different "versions" of Dyonisis, some compare him to Osiris, as a suffering god who was killed and resurrected for mankind. Modern Neopagans view Dionysus in different lights, depending largely on the individual sects and the other gods worshipped by a sect. Dionysus is often seen as the god of Earthly Delights and is thought to play a role in euphoria. In America, some Hellenistic Neopagan sects forbid the worship of Dionysus, because Dionysus worship is associated with hedonism

So it goes, Nietzsche was all up her skirt. It was sort of like his theme god. He saw Dionysus as representing the best possible alignment for human behavior. Sort of like Michael the Archangel is to me. Nietzsche would use her name everywhere, when he insulted the anti-Semites he wrote, "I was just out having all the anti-Semitists shot, signed Dionysus." Yes he hated anti-Semites, and was not akin to Hitler at all. I think Hitler liked Nietzsche because of his pro "humanity is one hundred percent about power, the only things humans do is try to dominate others and acquire respect, morality is counterproductive and sometimes even hostile to the human conquest for power, thus it is irrational and invalid" stance. I think Nitzche's obsession with Dionisus is a sign that Dionysus was very attracted to Nietzsche, and influenced him a lot, for ill. He was a very potent man and I think he was used to Dionysus' ends. He had a profound impact on many of the darker personalities of modern history, most notably Hitler and the Nazis. Nietzsche even predicted this:

I know my fate. One day there will be associated with my name the recollection

Of something frightful - of a crisis like no other before on earth, of the profoundest collision of conscience,

Of a decision evoked against everything that until then had been believed in, demanded, sanctified.

I am not a man. I am dynamite.

-Nietzsche

I think that Dionysus used this dynomite to blow up goodness in the world (I AM AWARE OF MY OWN METAPHORS). It is true that most people associate Nietzsche with Hitler and anti-Semitism. I also think that at a smaller level anyone who really likes Nietzsche must be careful of this Dionysus taint. It will draw his attention. Just look. What kinds of kids like Nietzsche? Depressed, anxiety prone, outsider, pseudo-Nihilist. It's a bad force. Nietzsche lived the last years of his life as a madman who rarely spoke to anyone and stayed in his room, his sister had to take care of him. He was once the most respected philosopher in Europe. He died of a stroke.

It was Dionysus, and not Zaroaster who visited Nietzsche in those Swiss mountains. Zaroaster is good and likes god.

- Written by Lord Hudson
- Edited by Chrys Cantos

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Thursday, April 27th, 2006
8:30 pm
you know what my favorite aspect of chivalry is.

the duty of a true noble to go on crusade in the holy land.

destiny is real. women think sex is the key to destiny.

"i must find the right guy who god has promised me when he wrote history"

if you really believe, as i do, that fate is a supernatural and tangible force in the world, and that higher powers are moving you towards that end, why place so much emphasis on who your boyfriend is gonna be?

i think it's a delusion to view the cosmos as revolving around your desires. every girl wants to find her knight in shining armor. but do you really think a being capable of weaving fate like a tapestry would place so much consideration on monogamy?

i think life is a challange. and to overcome obsticles is the true measure of worth of your destiny.

attraction is 60 perent phyisical, 20 percent cultural, 10 percent personality and 10 percent soul.

everyone has a simmilier personality with oneanother. everyone is crazy for love. i think this modern notion to place the personality as the prime in finding your mate is shortsighted in it's attempted morality. the people who spout these things don't even know what personality is.

your personality is not simply what bands you like and how you dress or who you support politically or religiously. it's the total sum of your soul, your upringing, your mental potential (which is largely genetic),and the size of your spirit.

whats more important? your interests, your beliefs, your looks, your confidance?

i think it's the size of your spirit. how bold and confidant and powerful you are. the bigger your spirit, the better you are at talking. conversing, socialising, charming.

how charming you are has the most effect on a woman when she is deciding if she wants to be dominated by you.

the great vast majority of people out there date people who dress and talk like them. yet each of them believe that that special someone is out there.

anyone can be your soul brother. i have a deep connection with my best friend adam. i am not gay, yet our bond is greater then any female feels to her husband. there are no lies between me and adam. we do not play little games trying to get eachothers attention.

most of married life is one long power game.

ROMANCE IS A MATERIAL HUMAN BEHAVOIR AND HAS NO SPECAIL ROLE IN YOUR DESTINY. ROMANCE IS A WESTERN COURTSHIP RITUAL NO MORE OR LESS NOBLE THEM GETTING HITCHED FOR MONEY. MOST OF THE FEMALE OBSESSION WITH IT IS CAUSED BY DEEP INSECURITIES CONCERNING FATHER FIGURES. thinking that the goal of your life is to meet that special someone is as insane as saying "i know the right pair of shoes is out there for me, just waiting" oh girl! just be pataint.

do not hate men, do not hate women. just take it with a grain of salt. love is pure and transends sex.

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Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
10:10 pm
you heard right devil fools. emo is on the out. it will die within the next three years. thats how short the collective attention span of counter culture is when it comes to social movements.

HEY, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DRESSING THE SAME WAY FOR 6 YEARS, IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE GUYS. I WILL NOT LIVE UNDER THE PURITANICAL OPRESSION OF DRESSING MYSELF LIKE MY PEERS DID 4 YEARS AGO. THIS IS AMERICA, NOT COMMUNIST CHINA WHERE MILLENIA OF TRADITIONAL DRESS HAS OPRESSED PEOPLE'S REFLECTIONS FOR YEARS. I WILL WEAR MY SOCKS INSIDE OUT AND A BUNCH OF BRACELETS. POWER TO FASHION. IN FREEDOM AND LIBERTY FROM THE OPRESSON OF CONFORMIST FOOLS WHO DRESS ALL THE SAME. MAY THEY BURN IN AN ATHEIST ABYSS.

fuck yeah. now folk music will replace emo. whatever emo is? i never quite found the time to really look at it long enough to learn every chord they ply and every hairstyle they dye. BUT, adam tells me that folk music (in a new and very emo sissy form) is going to conquer it and drive emo into the mountians to die and be forgotton. emo, like the people who loved it, is not worthy of rememberance.

now skinny guys with bodies resembling kermit the frog will have to grow beards (if they can) and large hairy emo guys who like taco bell and waste their athletic potential listening to rock and roll and having the psycholigical social conditioning of a feminine mind, will have to were wranglers instead of low-rise (oxy moran) baggy shorts.

if you think your really cool because you like folk music now. just wait, and your dreams will become a reality. you can brag "i liked folk before it was cool" then you will seem really cool. taqiyya serves even the average man, even if he uses it on himself to hide his shame and affirm the worth of his destiny.

i remember a girl being like

HEY PHIL! LISTEN TO THIS SONG OK?! ARE YOU LISTENING???
HEAR LISTEN. THAT GUY IS TALKING ABOUT ANN FRANK, YOU REMEMBER ANN FRANK RIGHT?? HE IS SINGING A ROMANCE SONG TO HER, ALMOST LIKE HE IS LOVE WITH HER. WIERD RIGHT? SHE WAS LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL. YOU KNOW I WON'T FUCK YOU RIGHT? YOU DIDN'T COME HEAR EXPECTING ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU DID YOU?

later on after i had had sex with her, i went home and listened to fanfare ciocarlia. i thought about the difference between me and this girl in the way we enjoyed music. she enjoyed a romantic song about ann frank. i enjoyed a romping gypsie brass jam. she emphasised the lyrics, ie the message of the song. i enjoyed the odd and very rythmic melodies, lyrics where not a concern. while to her the words of a song were key, the song i loved wasn't sung in a language i even understood.

then a question.

would christene enjoy a romantic song about ann frank if it was sung in the crazy voodo languages of the congo?

i got mad at her for being just like every schmuck who listened to terrible badly written music and melted for the same cheasy depressed love theme.

then it hit me.

back when i was 13 years old and still developing my brain, i listened to tool. i remember getting really excited about maynerd james keenan's lyrics. they seemed so profound and mystical. like maybe he himself, with his small stature and bald head, had draveled to alternate dimensions and talked to extraterestrials.

now ofcoarse the annoyance of that bullshit song prevents me from even enjoying the overdistorted music of it. but my own experiance, my own childhood helped me to understand others.

sitting down i can track how i became aware of more and more over time, and how the power of my beast of confidence slowly melted away the bullshit i brought on myself, and that society has conditioned me to bring on myself. you know how people say you should never listen to gossip? because the more people it goes threw the less the story is true. thats what counter culture is like. the ease of entertainment media has allowed everyone to hear the misgossip. everyone is just reacting to a lie no one told. and it's not an important lie. it's a waste lie, it hurts no one and doesn't matter. so everyone is really just sitting around wanting to show everyone what they have made. theres nothing else to do but dream of fame.

little lies don't matter. the less you are, the easier it is to awe you. to be awwed is to be in bliss. but to be aware and awwed by yourself is the the first step threw the door that leads into the world of shamans.

i'm going on but i have to make one last point. you have to tell yourself the truth. if you sence in yourself any fear, utterly confront it instead of hiding in shame. if when your telling someone a story and you need to lie or embellish the story to make you or an allie seem more potent. do so. but do not be afraid of it. fully admit to yourself. say to yourself "i have just told a white lie to win better at an unimportant game." and thats ok. i tell you friend. i lie constantly about everything. i feel my identity is not important. so i make it up. the game you play "who said what behind your back, whos dating who, who likes you who doesn't, who is yours, who you are." none of it matters enough for your own fear to defeat you.

everyone is just trying to aquire love, respect, admiration,, the fear of enemies, material wealth, a loyal mate. they are all prizes. the real treasure in life is the challenge in getting those things. but beyond the game, when your on a losing streak and you get frustrated....... there is something that you cannot lose once you get it. something that trandsends the often ugly game.

do you know of what i speak...

the madness to laugh boldly at everything.

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Sunday, February 26th, 2006
7:54 pm - shogun






shogun fights like me, i fight like shogun.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8818034385197821295&q=shogun click link to see me/shogun.

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Thursday, January 26th, 2006
12:14 am
ok lets get into this.

it is bad to want other people to think you are smart for beleiving in good things.

a person who takes a stand often is not a smart person, he is desporate for love, and his ideas are tainted with the need to be liked because he really needs that attention. he even goes as far as to believe things for the mere fact that they will earn him points.

however:

a smart man will lie to your face and agree with people like i described above in order to make them feel good about themselves. even if you think someone is dumb you should indulge them and pet their ego so they will not try to punish you later for making them feel bad and inadequate. a smart man does not need to be loved for liking the right thing. a smart man aquires love easily by being shrewd and diplomatic. he realises that "the right thing" only exists for people who need to be liked. true morality is too complicated to fathom for desperate people, as they are pre occupied getting lovers & not reading about the knowledge they want to imperss people with.

only people who can play in the sport of social dynamics should be listened to for advise. if someone does not have social power then his spirit is lacking strength of perception. any virtue he has is expressed wrong. so his advise, like him, will be week. even when it comes to religion, a man must have the knack of influance to be strong enough to perceive complex metaphysical questions. in essence, a man who fails in attaining respect and love cannot be honest with himself or others. he knows nothing. and every discipline he has is used to supplement the worth he lacks. he will at every corner try to impress people with the breadth of his knowledge, truth will be left behind as he tries to craft self respect academically.

no one will listen if you cannot be heard. expression is the truth.


the downside.

god is beyond being impressed or charmed by you. he only cares about virtue. god wants you to care and nurture your brothers, show great mercy and respect even to your enemies, tell truths and be kind.

a wise man knows the value of respect. we are made in god's likeness, in this way the soul is offended at machiavellianism.

a mans soul is merciful

a mans spirit desires to engage and destroy his enemies for glory.

every man feels shame on some level for his transgretions, even if he meets with nothing but approval from the people around him. every man at one point in his life is moved by the suffering he sees in others. the eyes of a homeless man who has given up, a starving child, even the shame of a mike patton song.

don't be a coward, face god's law and your own weakness. do not be quick to anger against someone because you feel they are dumber then you. only a cruel idiot eagerly mocks his peers for having bad musical tastes. do not lie, but avoid the topic, if you are capable of shrewdness. not only will you spare him the pain of shame, but he will be less likely to commit vengeance against you.

and also, don't be so eager to have good taste anyway. if art becomes a tool for you to have good fashion, then it is meaningless. it is made ugly. if at any moment you are disgusted by music you feel is hackneyed, then you are a coward who only wants love and not good tunes. hahaha, i have a flare for being bold don't i?

in conclusion. mike patton is a dogged fool. an atheist is worthless as a person, emo will be replaced by folk music.

what ya gonna do about it conjure man?

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Monday, January 23rd, 2006
11:47 pm - Conjure Man
Rinaldo Lombayo

Born: December 8, 1960

Birth Place: Barahona, Dominican Rep

Father: Tucker Lombayo VI (Hatian)

Mother: Melita Vasquez (Peurto Rican/Haitian)

Education: Missionary Grade school/Apprenticeship to a Conjure man

Political Affiliations: Catholic, doesn't really understand Politics.

Death: 1987 Missing, Presumed Dead

He grew up in central DR. his father worked as manual labor on a big tobacco hacienda. his father was some what of a ladies man, and slept around. his father never married his mother and he was a bastard. his father did hwoever support the family, and he and his mother lived in the same room his father did on the hacianda. he was raised on the hacianda. by the time he was ten he was working in the fields helping his mother. his father had other children with different wives, but it was never that big of a deal. sometimes his various wives would get jelous but the father always put his foot down and settled the arguement. in his own small way he was a very socieally potent man. not educated, superstitious, yet clever and able. he never hadthe oppertunity to move past his station, but he showed his skill in his social life. everyone liked him and respected him. and he operated as somewhat of a middle man in labor contracts between the workers and the owner of the hacienda. he also took a lot of time to raise his childrem. he had three sons and one daughter.

early childhood:

his mother made him attend church. she was known in the village as somewhat of a wise woman. she could speak to the dead and often had visions of the virgin mary. when somethign bad happened she would blame the devil or the conjure men who lived in the swamp outside of town. rinadlo would often go viset the conjure men and listen to them tell stories and talk about their gods. his mom ofcoarse hated this and would always poor holy water on him in order to discourage him from going. she would accuse them of being Diableros and having the power to turn into snakes or wolves.. but that made them even more apealing to a young rinadlo. when he was a teenager he would often do chores for the conjure men and they would pay him in herbs or medacine designed to make him stronger. it tasted a lot like blood. and it made him a force to be reckoned with.
all the kids would pick him for soccer games from then on.

early manhood:

after a few years of doing chores for the conjure men, he entered into business with them. he was ghouled yes, but he never met the cianite whos blood he had been drinking. it was a gift, and he had never felt the blood bonde as he had never met his domintor. always the blood would be given to him as payment for his services by another ghoul who had storage of the stuff. so his motivation for entering into business with these men was not because of the blood bond, but out of mutual conveniance.

the conjure seemed like recluse hermits practicing sorcery in the swamp. and this was mostly true, but they knew powerful men. powerful men who needed help shipping drugs to america from columbia and other places. rinaldo would make sure that all shipments were catalogued and weighed correctly, and that the buyer paid appropriatly. if a problem ever arose he would report it and the conjure men would handle it.

rinaldo over years at this station grew more and more compitant and infuencial in what amounted to working for a setite cartel. the conjure men had other plans forrinaldo. they explained to him that magic was in his soul, inherited from his mother, and that he was wasting his time seeking wealth in the cartels. they offered him apprenticeship, and power and knowledge. a chance to forge his own destiny as few sould can. to break away from the snares of the demon gods who controlled the minds of people. he accepted, considering the force of presence and how perfectly expressed his sire to be asked him

embrace: it's a celibration.

the embrace night had to be careful. his sire had apperently been planning this for weeks. he had to strip naked, lay in a circle of shakl, and hold two poisonous corbas in his hand while his sire chanted and meditated over him. then he had to drink some special blood mixture that smelled putrid.. and containted cobra venom.

he started to die... and his sire danced and banged on a drum over him while his life slipped away... and then he descended on him, drank oh his blood and then embraced him. but the night wasn;t over yet.

after the embrace he still felt sick and dizzy. his sire made him perform his first ritual. talked him through and helped him through it. to cleanse the poison from his veins. the purty of flesh ritual. the cobra venom was extracted. if not his embrace would have left him somewhat lame and inept. but because he had the power of concentration he had beaten the venom. his mind, explained his sire, had just cured him of deadly poison.

the night continued. rinadlo has to feast on the blood of bats and snakes, to cleanse hiis blood and tune him into the spirits. then his sire made him dig a grave and lay in it, and he burried rinaldo in it.

he spent three days in the whole, and eventuaklly had clawwed his way out, where his sire was waiting for him with more some friends... they beat the fuck out of him, and then dragged gim by his hair to his first vaulderie.

post mortum.

his pack, made up of a motley crew called the Crusaders of San Dominingo.

Sire/Pack Preist: Rogerio Nogeura: a Setite blood sorcerer, not exactly an expert but compitant in his magic. he is sort of a reculse who most cainites in the area are afriad of as he is considered a witch doctor.

Ductus: Antonio Silva: a rough neck lasombra who is too close to the ebast for comfort, but can back up his bully bully attitude with his physical might.

Miguel: a crazy gangrel indian from the andes who probably took a lot of hallucenagenic drugs when he was a mortal. not known for moderation.

Ricardo Esponalas: a shrewd and cunning lasombra who is not seen with the pack much publically. he certainly is a wealthy cainite though and has more then his share of drug trafficing to his name.

Willy: a mysterious malkavian who never says anything and carries around a big knife. he always looks like he hasn't bathed and has blood stains all over his clothes.

_______________

this motley crew was very active in the carribean and in new orleans. killing setites, even when ordered not too, killing lots of people. running from camarilla scourgaes, head hunting camarilla, getting on the badside of a tzimisce bishop in pensecola and having to get the fuck out. ect..

in the early 90s rinaldo spent merely tagging along and learning blood magic on the side. he had a clever balance of seclustered schooling with his sire in hut near a swamp and active socail mayham with other members of his pack. he lived this lifestyle up intill the invasion of geargia by the sabbat in 99.

it was a bit of a fallout... the pack was ordered into the ranks of sabbat forces. everyone eagerly went.. and rinaldo had no choice in tagging along.. but his sire, the pack priest, took rinaldo and went into hiding. refusing to "throw his life away for some bombaclut bishop." they went underground, and ended up back in new orleans. the whole rest of the pack had met final death in the end.. loyal fools.

in later years they had resurphased, but not in the sabbat community. they now hung around the greater cainite society... merely soecially. going to clubs, hanging out with other conjure man... his sire seemd to meet a lot with nosferatu looking Hogoun men who practiced strong magic and could speak to the dead. as a weaker sorcerer, rinaldo was often left out of these talks and exchanges. and as time went on he saw less and less of his sire. untill one day he wasn't able to find him anymore.

he was ok though, he knew knew how to take care of himself better then most kindred his age. he was a Conjure Man.

Theory and Practice:

who should he be loyal too? the sabbat are a bunch of fools who worship the big caine man. no ones seen him for hundreds of years and no one will again. you say you are christian but all you do is kill and sin all you like. no, i will not be loyal to you who mock my church.

the camarilla? they give you everything you want for free. you tell the prince you will listen to his rules and he lets you do what you like. he has no idea how useful you could be to him, so he ignores you as some eccentric setite. but it would be bad if the sabbat got a hold of you.

setites? some of them are good licks. but a lot of them are ass holes. they arn't even organised enough for you to sondier joining, as many are as displaced as you. as far as you know at least. some speak of temples and an all powerful dark god. no no, st. michael could easily beat this upstart god of theirs.

so you peddle drugs here and there, spend your time trying to figure out what your going to do. every now and then you come across another conjure man, who makes for good company. you hang out with other setite neonates, and go to clubs. licks are a lot different in america. they are less violent but they are prone to blasphamy. you make sure you go to mass every sunday, for nightly services to ask mother mary for forgiveness.

your haven is like a santarian shrine. hackneyed lamps depicting the modonna, lots of seven day candles, rsaries, statuesm incence. you also have a lot of sinister looking ritual components, but if you have a guest over you refuse to talk about it. if he cannot understand what it is then it's useless trying to explain it to him. a conjure man will know.

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4:18 am
Vampire the Masqeurade.Collapse )

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Friday, January 20th, 2006
9:02 pm
screw it, i am a dirty rotton sex hound. don;t need that shit. not anymore. i am going back underground, the surface is risky and loaded with enemies. BABY, DO NOT SEEK YOUR JOURNEY IN THE EYES OF PEOPLE. seek it in your own eyes, in your own belly.

people are utterly alone. and they are too dumb to realise everyone else also feels just as alienated and alone. communication is so flawwed and everyone has different agendas. people are week. being around them brings me down and causes weakness in myself.

i usually live alone by my fucking self alone and not seeking people. sometimes i pop up onto the surface cause i am lonely and need some ladyship companion. but then it goes to hell and i go back underground where i belong. learning, working out and searching for silver linings.

yes i am brave, and totally comfertable in my superiority. i know when i'm better and i know how to use tact and skill to make people like me. but in the end, i don;t like myself. i have only recently learned how to be myself in public. screw being a sex hound. screw girls and their illsutrius company. i am still too wounded to enjoy their love without setting fire to my soul.

only god is worthy of worship. i don't want to be incapable of piety. i want to me moral, and cause haPpyness and love. not sneak around left handedly. my soul yearns to respect and nurture. i am a beast with a soul. OMG

i am 400 times happier when no girls like me. and 600 happier when i am alone to share the bounty with my dearest compatriot. who only offers love and good advise and tempers me when i go to far.

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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
2:52 pm - fools
who ever you are, whatever you do, if you like the movie 'velvet gold mine' then you automatically have no power.

p.s. liking the movie velvet gold man automatically damnes you to hades. also, the line sperating a child from an adult may by useful in some circumstances, but i feel the notion is very suspect. there are only individual egos crazy for love. if you want to be loved it's easy. first you have to know yourself, then you have fix that part of you that wants to challange people. humor others utterly, compliment them and concede to their wants. accept the images they want to portray of themselves as fact. lie and agree with them. if you do these things, while being well spoken, you will win over everyone. however, it is no real prize to sway others, for most are worthless. the right hand offers true fulfillment. only a child feels power in tricking other children into serving him. you stroke people's egos so their love for you can stroke yours. you may be more cunning, but your power is fragile and dependant on the weak need.

serve god in honesty and people will respect you. lie and serve the devil-beast and you will win some, and then creat enemies of your former victems. your social victems. it is rightious to express your true opinion even if you lose face for it. however, do not punish. god does not will you to mock the weak needs. god wants you to punish predetors who pray on the socially malleable. i will seek out clever and cunning machiavellians and assault them head on. they are not used to dealing with a strong right hand.

i vow to grow past my disgust and pretect the fearful weak needs. they may be abhorrid and uninteresting. but their lies are lies of desperation. sometimes a child is naughty, thats why you have rock and roll.

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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
8:53 am - BRANCO NAGASAKI
my next door naihbors are really loud rednecks who obsessively set off fire crackers every night while i'm trying to take a nap. they often scream and argue at eachother really late at night. they are very loud people in general. but behind their loud voice lurks not power. they are not the type to do anything but live an assigned stereotypical life. they cannot think outside of the all american role they eagerly play. they are no different from any other redneck. i wouldn't mind them being loud if they weren't stupid people. they really annoy me and i want to punish them for both being social robots as well as loud.

i want to get some wood at home depot or something and make a big crucafix. i will set the crucafix up in their front yard at 4 AM and set it on fire. then when they come out and see a giant burning cross in their yard they try to put it out. then they find the note i left them 'BE QUIET OR ELSE"

another thing. my mom told me she knows a lot of people who take John Lennon seriously as an academic. this also infuriats me. i am not talking about my peers, my peers are even lower on the philosophical scale then hippies. just look at SKA or black metal if you were ever wondering what type of social movement this countrie's youth is headed in. my mom knows adults who actually fucking tear up when john llennon sings his utopia sing along.

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

truly this would be hell on earth.

what the fuck. i have never heard anything more sate and juvanile in my entire life. john lennon is exactly the same as a little girl who goes to a GAP protest dressed like an indian godddess. your fucking subculture is idiotic and foul. like everyone else, you push your moral ideals on people. morals like 'save the whales and down with govournment up with peace. you fool, even if the nations of the world could agree on a global treaty to end all wars. i would have you systematically barred from the meetings. because you would just waste the time of real polititions because you are children who have no skills for the real world. the only way you could actually effect anything is if you used the money you made from your records and gave it to some charity. i don;t see a lot of that. so shut up, your pandering to a culture of lost souls who actually feel that what they say matters. the entire movement that john lennon was a part of is the same as an old ageing actress who can't let go of her fame, except they never had it. they have always been useless.


another thing. theres nothing more american then a japaneese kid whos all american. when i watch a movie from the 80s and i see an asian guy dressed up all cool with spandex and a leather jacket, i tear up with emotion. i am so happy to see his face i cry. Bronco Nagasaki rules forever.



look at his face. so asian, so beautiful. he rides a motercycle and listens to huey lewis and the news. do you?

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Sunday, January 1st, 2006
1:41 am
first i woke up and took a bath, then i fell asleep in the tub and spilled jellybeans that i was eating in the bath-tub. then i looked at old photos of people i never met, i bet the blonde guy's name is klien.

also i was looking at all my old myspace friends. like x. jill pixie.. and others. XOXOX HUGS. fool. don't put your free love on me. i want to earn that love you little whore. you give XOXOX HUGS <<<33333 to everyone, idiots and the merely tolerable alike. don;t give me that shit. phil is three times greater then your wildest dreams. so to give him the same XOXOX HUGS <333 as everyone else is an insult to both god and country (whichever country you live in). so don't try to get by on your free indiscriminant fake ass hugs xoxoxo <333 crap. not in the lord's house son.

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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
2:11 am
now comes that hateful time in my life where i just snap and everything i have been keeping hidden in my subconscious comes to my immediate perception.

i enjoy enjoying life. an optimist is happy. however i see many things that just rub my soul the wrong way in our society. i feel human nature is torn between the beast and the soul.

let me give you an example of my theory. it's sort of complicated.

Buddhism is now a part of progressive americana. an ancient orientalist religion is now part of pop culture. it's a fact. you can by a little Buddha statue at the mall so some 15 year old girl who has a bunch of karl marks book's she's never read can light incense in her magic candelabra incense box. don't worry they won't run out of statues, they are mass produced, made in china.

westerners are infatuated with Buddhism for aesthetic reasons. they find some sort of mystery in the way asians describe things, yet they seldom know much about the inner workings of Buddhist thought. many people often find asian art and ritual to be interesting and decorative. secondly, Buddhism is now an acceptable religion that one can align himself with to make a fashion statement. and even still, some kids want to look smart by liking something that their peers think is smart. if they like something thats smart and no one knows about it, they won;t get any credit for it.

basically, westerners have taken an ancient religion and turned it into a way to decorate themselves for for social gain. and to make themselves feel intelligent. this is the beast. the beast compels your greed, your need for acceptance and status, and your desire to impress others.

HOWEVER, we lie to ourselves. we tell ourselves that are motives are clear and genuine, that we are gaining a lot for our souls from Buddhism. we even become very aggravated when someone insinuates that we are interested in it for selfish reasons. we also become very embarrassed when someone questions us about Buddhism and we don't know how to answer, because we didn't spend enough effort assimilating to it. we lie to ourselves and feel shame, because our real souls are appalled at our deceitful neurotic behavior.

our whole lives are filled with examples like these. most people's personalities are made up completely of fake decorative nothings designed only to gain recondition and approval from people who don't rally care. your soul is sad at your every lie.

the imam is coming to lift the veil.

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Monday, October 10th, 2005
7:13 am
Dear Mr. Editor, it has come to my attention that Florida is baned with many social and economic ailments which barade us with the ferocity of Achillies, causing loss on a massive statewide scale. I have selected the top three issues rather then rant for hours about every single discrepancy, whichwas originally my intent. The three issues in which I find most formidable to our expansion as the Floridian Race is crime, followed byrising property taxes and then red tide. All must be dealt with if we are to look into the mirror without cringing at the coward we see before us.
Crime is rampent, the streets run red with the blood of our innocents. Drug dealers smoke crack in libraries and hippies smoke weed on college campuses. They must be subdued with force, with the right hand of justice,and brought to their rightfull punishment if we are to sleep sound and safe. Just last week an armed robber robbed yet another grocerie store in a mad crime spree numbering three robberies. He must have made off with the lute, including animals crackers or salt and vinager chips, which are easy to take on the go while you are performing armed robbery. If I was in a grocerie store I would not want to be robed, I would rather do the robbing. The police cannot catch him because they are incompitant, I think we should spend at least half of the states budget hiring bounty hunter vigilantee types to parade down the street holding AK-47's to scare off baby snatchers and purse nabbers.
Rising property taxes are also a problem in some Florida areas. Like the unholy law of realestate says, "location location location." It's true, if you are located an upper or lower middle class area in Florida you will be over taxed to help pay for low cost housing development, which is for minority citizens. Also beach front property is getting out of control. These snow birds with their fancy literacy and their hundred doller bills are the only ones who can afford these expencive dens of sin, and they are taking all are good land and then migrating back north to their yankee mansions. We need to show these people they are not wanted. We need an agressive anti-yankee advertising campaign funded by social security.

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Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
9:56 pm
sirmillardmulch: here is our new song http://www.sirmillardmulch.com/mp3/robot.mp3
cainki11able: you are comming with me to a jungian discussion group this thursday
sirmillardmulch: interesting
cainki11able: invite wisard
sirmillardmulch: where is this
cainki11able: i want to talk to him about brujos
cainki11able: sarasota
sirmillardmulch: where
cainki11able: i need to get the exact adress, my dad knows
sirmillardmulch: oh
cainki11able: it's at 7 pm
cainki11able: near the hospital
sirmillardmulch: well whatever
cainki11able: probably downtown
sirmillardmulch: at least I won't have far to travel to get to the hospital
cainki11able: a hospice always comes in handy when your adicted to peyote
sirmillardmulch: mescaline
cainki11able: mescalito
cainki11able: ever listen to wesley willis?
sirmillardmulch: sure
cainki11able: he is a lyric genius
cainki11able: in a pop band the guitar does not play riffs
sirmillardmulch: it doesn't play at all
cainki11able: well it's not bad, but it has no spice and i would never get down to it
sirmillardmulch: do you think it is too sterile
cainki11able: i think it's a dead pulse of sound quaility
sirmillardmulch: what does that mean
cainki11able: good sounds bad music
sirmillardmulch: ah
sirmillardmulch: i wsa thinking it was the other wAy around
cainki11able: i know how good you can write though
sirmillardmulch: i want to consummate a relationship with a lady
cainki11able: but your so far beyond that it doesn;t hold any value to write perfect music
cainki11able: don;t try to get ladies, expect them to like you
cainki11able: also work out andwear preppy clothes
sirmillardmulch: i was thinking, having sex with a girl for 8 hours straight is like having a fresh roll of toilet paper and not having to think about it running out
cainki11able: lol
sirmillardmulch: or buying like a crate of ramen
cainki11able: or having the keys to a weapons depot
sirmillardmulch: yeah
sirmillardmulch: unlimited power
cainki11able: women can sence in the air how your soul is eating itself
cainki11able: foul; self hatred
cainki11able: they don;t know they can see, but they can feel
cainki11able: you need to like yourself
cainki11able: and replace longing with enjoyment
sirmillardmulch: big boobies
cainki11able: you need to seek the wizard
cainki11able: i think you also want to die, you are smart enough to know
cainki11able: to prove the original bane's of your soul right, who were sapposed to love you
sirmillardmulch: i read in a book tonight that the human mind does not yet exist
cainki11able: whats the book called?
sirmillardmulch: the outsider
cainki11able: my friend jack kept telling me that book is written about me
cainki11able: he is exactly like hunter thompson who loves opium, all his friends are dirty counter culture hippies who love alt rock
cainki11able: as in, they are below academic level and have no future outside of a trade
cainki11able: you need to find real love, people love
sirmillardmulch: i like my chemical romance
cainki11able: where theres no ambition other then to protect your friend's feelings
cainki11able: people who don;t love are worthless
cainki11able: they suffer, you are just like adam
cainki11able: or brutal chedder
cainki11able: he said he would be exactly like you if he hadn't met me and called me his spiritual savoir
cainki11able: you are a genius
sirmillardmulch: you are me ten years ago
cainki11able: but you have so many demon banes
cainki11able: i am like you ten years ago?
sirmillardmulch: more than ten
sirmillardmulch: 15
cainki11able: i have many banes but they on;y effect me in cycles
cainki11able: and my social ambition is almost non existant
cainki11able: i will be famous on accident and really like people
cainki11able: i veiw all life as a haze of chaos and think that a composed world where it matters how you present yourself is insane and created only by crazies who have low self esteem
cainki11able: people with voids of self worth who need to compete with other losers who can't be casual
cainki11able: they have their own culture, and do not see that they are a minrotiy, they are show biz
cainki11able: middle america is much less like that, but they have sub pockets too. like church, women social clubs
cainki11able: politics is a mix of losers and idealist craies, and composed michaiavelian guys who would put showbiz to shame
cainki11able: but also have more self assurance and less longing
sirmillardmulch: pretty people can look ugly on purpose
cainki11able: but, the world in which you aspire to conquer and hold dear is a deck of cards, that a wind can blow over
cainki11able: famous people have trouble with normal life
sirmillardmulch: that's why they don't live one
cainki11able: to me they live without a hame
cainki11able: home*
cainki11able: without a life base of support
cainki11able: wife kids, mountAin stronghold with a stockpile of weapons on an indian reservation
cainki11able: thats what me and adam are getting
cainki11able: i see you falling aprt, but maybe you have these all the time
cainki11able: and i think you are better then that world
sirmillardmulch: why do you think I am falling apart, that is strange
cainki11able: you seem like women will drive you insane totally
sirmillardmulch: I am doing the opposite
cainki11able: that thing you wrote seemed vile and ignoble
sirmillardmulch: dunno
sirmillardmulch: I have multiple personalities
sirmillardmulch: I mean split
cainki11able: hmmm you other one is angry
cainki11able: it's there for a reason
sirmillardmulch: i resent what the world expected from me
cainki11able: me 2
cainki11able: but only you expected it
cainki11able: people who organise and expect things of you in mass are worthless carzies
sirmillardmulch: I want a roll of toilet paper that never runs out. I want to use a fresh roll every time. Every time I take a shower I want a brand new bottle of shampoo.
sirmillardmulch: it feels good to hold that fresh roll in my hand, and not even put it on the roll
sirmillardmulch: the device that it rotates on
sirmillardmulch: when the toothpaste is new a lot comes out of it
sirmillardmulch: especailly after squeezing and mutilating the tube for a whole week to get one small drop out of it
sirmillardmulch: i have to cut mine open and stick my tongue in it to get enough tooth paste out
sirmillardmulch: nothing is like that new tube of toothpaste feeling after that
sirmillardmulch: it's like unprotected sex
cainki11able: all you desire will never happen
cainki11able: if you are smart you will adapt and provide your own strength
sirmillardmulch: phil contra phil
sirmillardmulch: hudson contra hudson
cainki11able: i am not the opposite of myself
cainki11able: i am just getting my power back after surgery mad me sad and i drove it away
cainki11able: http://www.livejournal.com/users/christ_slap/

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